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MINERS ‘DON’T WANT TO COME OUT’

In Uncategorized on October 15, 2010 at 11:21 am

Efforts to rescue trapped Chilean miners stalled last night when it emerged that 67% of them want to stay underground.

Speaking by phone from a chamber underground, a spokesman for the trapped men, Mario Vargas di Tequila (53), said:

“Look at it our way, gringo. Up until last Thursday we earn dollar a year digging dirt for los Americanos. We get rockfall, explosion and el Fuoco knows what else besides, and nobody give a good god-damn, because we poor peones, and if one of us dies, there are ten more to take his job to feed their families.

“Up until last Thursday. When mine collapse, company leave us to die, and then we tweet, and story go viral like Star Wars Kid. And look now. We safe. We famous. We not have to work no more. I play dominoes, smoke cigarette, go for walk down tunnel. I keeping wife and three mistresses on surface. Madonna want adopt my kids. Señor El Presidente join back of queue to kiss my ass, all of a sudden, when last week he send my cousin to prison for trying to clean his drains. And los Americanos want to make me big star in Hollywood, and not shoot me no more when I sneak over border at Los Pasos. I come out, all this ends.

“You want more, you talk to my agent. Adios.”

Watch this space for updates on the nail-biting rescue attempts.

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