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EX-MILITARY TO RETRAIN AS TEACHERS

In Uncategorized on November 26, 2010 at 1:19 pm

The Education Secretary, Mr Maurice Throve, yesterday announced plans to fast-track ex-servicemen into teaching positions in the drive to bring order and discipline back to Britain’s struggling schools.

‘Young people need to learn order and discipline,’ he explained. ‘And it’s a well-known fact that standing in straight lines wearing the same clothes as everyone else and having your life completely controlled by unquestioning obedience to orders is excellent preparation for life in the real world. It’s not simply a matter of having a sudden influx of traumatised ex-squaddies desperately in need of gainful employment in some highly regimented institutional environment, in case they crack and start robbing banks. Ex-servicemen are famous for their ability to adapt to life in civvy street, and for the inventive range of coping strategies they adopt, such as alcoholism, addictive substance abuse, homelessness, and violent recidivism.

‘These are exactly the kind of people we want to exert a decisive influence over the rising generation. People who will do literally anything for approval and who can’t cope if they aren’t being being told what to do all the time by someone else.

‘These are core Coalition government values. For instance, it’s all Nick Clegg ever does.’

Nick Clegg was unavailable for comment.

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