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In Uncategorized on December 10, 2010 at 1:40 pm

The international community reacted strongly last night to reports that Prince Charles and his consort, the Duchess of Wherever Cornwall I Think, had been lightly bounced in their car by an angry mob of anarchists chanting “Off with their heads.”

Barack Obama, the US President, said:

“People of Britain, I have this to say: what took you so long? We ditched the losers in 1776. And look at us now. We’re the richest and most powerful country in the world. Even our conservatives make your radicals look timid and hidebound. But better late than never. To British people everywhere, I say: welcome, at last, to the eighteenth century.”

Speaking later via Wikileaks, President Obama went on to say: “******* limey *******s. What the **** do I care if they execute the ******* queen or not? ****s. *****.”

The President of France, M. Nicholas Sarkozy, said: “People of Britain, I have this to say: what took you so long? We ditched the losers in 1789.”

Similar sentiments were expressed by the presidents and prime ministers of China, Russia, Germany, and most African and South American states, although obviously the exact dates cited varied from country to country.

A spokesman for a shaken but resolute Prince Charles issued the following statement from Claret House yesterday:

“I am commanded by His Royal Highness to express his heartfelt humility and gratitude at having had the opportunity to fulfil, at the cost of considerable personal risk, his traditional role of filling the news headlines with gossipy claptrap and keeping the issues out of the limelight. For instance, since the regrettable attack on the royal cavalcade, everyone has now completely forgotten the point, which is that nobody can afford to go to university, with the result that the tattered remnants of the knowledge economy are about to get flushed down the can, taking our prosperity and credibility as a modern nation with them. You’d be hard put to find a single person who cares two hoots about this now, whereas before, lots of people were a bit worried about it.

“This shows that the time-hallowed consitutional traditions of this country still have a role to play in the modern world.

“God Save the Queen.”

Speaking via Wikileaks, His Royal Highness, Prince Philip, the Duke of Stirling, said:

“Shame they didn’t kill the little **** when they had the chance. He’s not mine, you know. If he was, he’d have just shot them all on the spot. Same as I would have.”

Julian Assange was not available for comment, but everyone else was.


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