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SHIFTLESS AUSSIE NERD ‘POSSESSED BY SATAN’

In Uncategorized on December 18, 2010 at 1:46 pm

Investigators have shown that Julian Assange, the shifty socialist geek responsible for Wikileaks, engaged in a series of unspecified sex crimes just at the exact moment where he became a major embarrassment to the US.

The US Attorney-General, Admiral John Kleinschmuck, said:

‘We have clear and unequivocal proof that Mr Assange is a godless deviant homosexual invert. We will be presenting presenting these clear and present proofs to Hans Blix at the United Nations Security Council. Or someone like that. Whichever Euro-zero gets to decide whether you ladies are with us or against us.

‘And we will prevail.’

Legal experts have speculated that Mr Assange’s behaviour conforms to a little-known legal treaty, the International Convention on Manifest Destiny, whereby enemies of the US always have to do something really bad, awful, and crying out for immediate vengeance, at or immediately before the exact moment they do something else which makes the Americans look silly.

The Reverend Jimmy McSideburns, recently appointed Sarah Palin’s personal spiritual advisor, said:

‘It’s simple. People in foreign countries start out normal and good, or even just tolerable. Then they start hurting America just at the moment they start doing really unforgivably bad things in general.

‘Clearly, at certain pivotal moments in their life, they are being possessed by demons of Satan, and in taking them out we are doing the Lord’s work. America is like God’s drainage grille, straining the floating turds out of the mighty, flowing river of the human spirit as it streams towards the New Jerusalem.

‘Amen.’

Mr Assange is expected to contest the allegations.

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