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In Uncategorized on December 5, 2012 at 12:34 pm

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge’s first child will become monarch, no matter what, the Palace has confirmed.

‘Recent amendments to the 1704 Act of Succession have opened the succession to girls, Catholics, Jews, homosexuals, gypsies, Jehovah’s Witnesses, and people of that sort,’ said Sir Donald Starchy, a constitutional expert.

‘The succession is also open to criminals, Ruritanian fantasists and infantile narcissists.

‘Because it always has been.’

The Hon. Kate Middleton is the god-daughter of the Duke and Disgustress of Tunbridge Wells, by Bride of Frankenstein, out of Nijinsky. In 2008 she renounced immortality, bathed one last time in the flaming Well of Eternal Youth, and married Prince William, a probable reincarnation of Alexander the Great. She is Evenstar of her People, Grand Master of the First Lodge of Wombats, Belgravia, and keeper of the Holy Grail. She is believed to be approximately 2,500 years old.


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