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In Uncategorized on December 11, 2012 at 7:51 pm

The Coalition Football Association has published plans to eradicate racism in football.

‘Studies have shown a clear and consistent correlation between the percentage of foreign and ethnic minority players on the pitch, and the levels of abuse from the terraces,’ said Darren Mackerness of the F.A.

‘Clearly, the answer is to make the players more British.’

The ground-breaking 4,000-page report, Why Can’t They Be More Like Us?, outlines plans to give overseas footballers intensive tuition in key Britishness skills, such as Speaking Respectfully of Her Majesty the Queen at All Times, Throwing Coins with Intent to Wound, Using Twitter to Incite Violence, Losing to Germany on Penalties, Failing to Notice or Care that Everything in the Murdoch Red-Tops is Rancid Bullshit, and Holding Entire Communities to Ransom Every Match Day.


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