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In Uncategorized on January 9, 2013 at 7:31 am

The baffling lack of news in the news continued into its second day yesterday, when nobody at all announced that a prime minister hell-bent on victimising the semi-destitute as scroungers and skivers continues to enjoy possession of an unearned fortune of around thirty million pounds.

‘We just can’t understand it,’ said a spokesman for Reuters, the news agency. ‘Nobody asked him what the **** he was doing with all that money, if he was so bothered about scrounging.

‘Nobody said it. They just carried on as normal.

‘Otherwise we might have had something to report. But they didn’t, so we don’t. It makes me want to cry. I’ve got two degrees and we run a massive newsgathering operation, pervading the globe with our excellent networks of intelligent, dedicated, hardworking staff, and then stuff just fails to happen at the last minute. There was a massive opportunity there for someone to create some actual news – an MP, or maybe a journalist – and nobody seized it.

‘The moment’s gone now.

‘I  feel like giving up.’


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