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In Uncategorized on February 20, 2013 at 8:11 am

The world was reeling with shock yesterday at the news that a spoiled, pumped-up, fabulously selfish young man had apparently killed his wife for no reason.

‘Nobody could have seen this coming,’ said Dirk van Speedjiouws of the South African Sports Ministry. ‘I mean, he was such a nice guy. He was a real regular guy at school: a bully, a jock, very good at competitive sports. All his life we’ve been telling him what a great guy he is for ruthlessly crushing the competition in a series of ritualised contests of brute strength and naked, zero-sum self-interest.

‘He and his wife are both thin, ripped, blonde, blue-eyed role models for young people everywhere. They show us what you can achieve, provided you’re prepared to be a big enough asshole.

‘His wife was young and pretty and about to launch her own career, just as his career looked like it was about to top out.

‘None of us know how this could possibly have happened, especially after the O.J. Simpson case.’


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