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1914 CENTENARY PLANS UNVEILED

In Uncategorized on August 29, 2013 at 6:37 am

The Prime Minister, Mr David Cameron, has unveiled plans to mark the centenary of the First World War.

“We’re going to have a Third World War,” he said.

“We were doing so much commemoration stuff anyway – we thought, why not just go the whole hog and have another actual war?

“Where would we be, after all, without the courage and self-sacrifice of our buff young servicemen and women? And without wars, wherein these things find expression, might they not be lost entirely, and forgotten?

“And without the endless cycle of trauma and glorification, leading to more wars, leading to more trauma and more glorification – where would we be?

“I’ll tell you where we’d be.

“We’d be in a situation where ordinary people might start to notice what’s really going on.

“That’s where.

“And let me tell you, when we reach that point – the point where you lot – even you lot – start to care that Monsanto owns your DNA, and your climate is on the verge of irretrievable meltdown, and your kids are dying of preventable diseases in the richest and most technologically powerful societies that have ever existed – then the likes of me are screwed.

“And I’m not about to let that happen, let me assure you.

“Because all it takes to prevent this is a little courage and self-sacrifice.

“Not on my part, obviously.

“That, and a failed state somewhere near Turkey. And a couple of giant rickety global power blocs based on oil and guns. And some motheaten whiskered sociopaths in the army top brass. And a common populace too desperate and confused to resist getting herded towards the front like cattle. And a weak, compliant, jingoistic, flag-waving media who care more about the soiled nappies of royal babies than they do about the millions starving overseas.

“Piece of piss, really. All the elements are in place. So if you thought August 1914 was bad, you just wait for August 2014.

“Because – in the immortal word of Bachman Turner Overdrive – you ain’t seen nothin’ yet.”

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